May 21, 2016
Just because you got the man, doesn't necessarily mean that it's already a happily ever after. I have been with my boyfriend for 26 months, and it has been perfect. But perfect doesn't mean no fights, no cheating, no doubts, no issues, when I say perfect, I meant that it was perfectly imperfect. We're very happy together, but we fight most of the time, but what makes it perfect is we never gave up on each other.
Last night we had a fight. A fight that I thought could break us apart. I know it was my fault, I just couldn't accept that there was something wrong with me.
He went out last night with his co-workers and two of our closest friends, May and Pio. I was invited to tag along with them, but he didn't want me to, and that made me furious. His main concern was my mom's thoughts about him. She was quite disappointed in him, because for one, she rarely sees him, and whenever we had a date, he doesn't take me home the way he used to, he just lets me go home on my own via Grab Car.
I was so frustrated, that I decided to pretend that my co-workers invited me to tag along with them in Quezon City to have dinner and grab a few drinks, and we'll be out very late. So yes, I told a lie to him just to see how he would react to it. To my surprise, he didn't took it well. His text messages was quite different from the usual.
"Ahhh... Ok."
"Ok po."
"Ok po. Enjoy. Ingat."
So right then and there I knew he doesn't want me to go. I asked him if he was okay, it took quite a while for him to reply, but all he said was, "Okay lang." Seeing his reaction, I decided to lie again. I told him that I asked my friends to drop me off at the nearest station that I changed my mind. he replied saying, "why?" I answered. "You didn't have to say it. But it was clear on your messages that you didn't want me to go."
A lot happened that night. It was crazy and full of drama (thanks to me) and I even decided to end things with him. But he said nothing about it. After calming down, he told me that he deliberately decided not to reply because doesn't want things to become worse as it already is. He just waited for me to calm down. The other reason why didn't reply was because he doesn't want to break up with me, and what I said broke him to pieces.
Then I realized that it was me who has the problem, I didn't want him to go. Not without me. He was right though, that not all the time I can go with him, that he could have the time of his life without me. There will be times he would want to be alone with them, and times where I will be by his side. And I need to understand that.
I promised myself that I will definitely try to adjust. I guess I also need to have friends on my own to hang out with. I was so used to having only him by my side whenever I wanted hang out. That I forgot how it felt to be with other people without him around. We fought about this countless of times now.
It just saddens me to realize how little my circle of friends are, that I couldn't even hang out with anyone else other than him. I need to fix this. I need to fix myself. I need to find friends.
This fight also made him realize a couple of things, that he too wanted to change. We were both at fault.
LESSON: Is to accept your flaws. It is the starting line for you to willingly change, not only for you to grow as a person, but to also help the relationship.
